Parents Connect is interested in your Momfinitions, the parenting phrases you have coined that reflect the real underbelly of raising small humans.

Here are a few used around the APISS homestead:

Dine-and-diss: 1)When a parent lovingly makes a meal for her child, only to have said child completely reject the meal; 2) Although you have taught your child mealtime manners, child still loudly says ‘It’s yucky!’ when presented with food as a guest in another home or family function. I was so embarrassed, at my mother-in-law’s this weekend Charlie did a total dine-and-diss.

Disaster relief: FEMA-worthy work provided by that rare soul who stays and assists with toy cleanup at the end of a playdate hosted at another parent’s home. I love Leticia, she always provides disaster relief at the end of playgroup.

Peenial: A child’s blatant denial of her need to urinate. “Do you have to go to the bathroom, we’ll be on the road awhile?” “No Mom, I just went.” Honey, Eve is in total peenial, we’ll be stopping at an Exxon before we’re out of town.

Screamapillar: A very hungry baby swaddled in a receiving blanket, crying for mama and milk. Sorry Sarah, got to go and get the screamapillar out of the crib. [Full disclosure: This is a Simpsons character and the use in reference to a baby must be credited to my brother-in-law George, who is funnier than Seinfeld and needs his own show STAT, top federal security clearance or no.]

Momup: As opposed to makeup or a pretty getup, momup is a smattering of fast grooming passes and clothing grabs performed in a meager attempt to look presentable before heading to school drop off or other function. Usually momup is donned when in need of a shower and is a look you would never have tried to pull off before procreating. I can’t believe I ran into my old boss in momup, thank goodness we didn’t chat for long.

And through a partnership with Twitter Moms, if you write some good Momfinitions, you could win some cash. Exploiting parenting for money…you know I like it! If you have a blog or a Twitter account, go here to learn how you can win too.

But it’s not fair that I get all the cash and glory. You readers need some lovin’ too – so here’s what I have for you:

Leave a comment below, here on APISS, with your own funny Momfinition and for the FIVE commenters that make me laugh the hardest I’ll buy a brand new book from Scholastic. The book will be of your choosing, up to a $7 value!

(AND don’t forget to come over to APISS Reviews for your third and final chance to win a pack of FOUR new books from Scholastic, tailored to your child’s reading level!)

Can’t wait to read your Momfinitions!