It’s no secret that APISS looooooves FunFit in Rockville. Check out my earlier post on FunFit’s Open Gyms and the super time my kids have in the indoor moonbounce, roller coaster and various playstations. But this rainy week of wondering how you’re going to make it through you should love FunFit too – they’re offering free drop-in classes this Wednesday and the opportunity to drop your child off this Tuesday and every single Tuesday while you work, workout or run errands! Here’s the deets:

FunFit Earth Day Open House Wednesday April 22 10am – 7:30pm
Bring your child on Wednesday to do celebrate Earth Day with fun activities and play, as well as demo the variety of non-competitive, stress-free and stress relieving active classes. Parents are welcome to participate in every class for no charge. Special needs participants are welcome in every class. Here is the Wednesday schedule:

10am FunFit Tots 6mos-4 yrs.
10:30am Yoga 3-6yrs.
11:00am- 12:30pm – Kids Can Cook all ages
11:30am Bayou Buddies 18mos.-6 yrs.
1:00pm Preschool Prep 2-4 yrs.
1:30pm Maze Fun & Games all ages
1:30pm SMART Kids (sloppy science/messy art)
2:00 – 3:00 – Kids Can Cook
3:00pm Sports & Games 3-6yrs.
3:30pm Circuit (5-13yrs) & Nintendo Wii (all ages)
4:00pm Ballet 3-5 yrs.
4:45pm Ballet 5-7yrs.
5:30pm Sports & Games & Circuit 5-10yrs.
6:00 Kids Can Cook 5-13yrs.
6:30 Cheerleading 5-10yrs.

FunFit Moms Morning Out/Kids Pizza Party Every Tuesday 10:30am-1pm! Drop off your kids age 2-8 years (pottytraining not required) for a party while you take some time for you. Just $24/child, $20/sibling for the entire time, $10 for one hour, or purchase multiple passes and save. Register online at least 24 hours ahead of time or call 301-975-0099 to reserve your children’s spots and reserve yourself some “me time.” Hey, this is cheaper than a nanny share and much more fun for your kid too! Hurry now, as each Tuesday party is limited to 16 kids.

FunFit is also offering Open House Registration Specials that you can obtain online today-Wednesday, or at FunFit until close of business Wednesday:

• Free Unlimited Open Gym with any class or camp registration.
• Buy 1, get 1 Free: Register for a Class & bring a sibling for FREE or get a 2nd class for the same child FREE!
• Register for a Camp & a sibling is 50% OFF
• Book a Birthday Party & get a Free Half Shabang – a bonus package for your party plus an extra $25 OFF your party price (a savings of $70.) This discount does not apply for the smaller Build-A-Birthday parties.

FunFit
17511 Redland Road Rockville, MD 20855
Driving Directions
301-975-0099

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There’ll be no locks or bolts between us, Mary Kate, except those in your own mercenary little heart. – John Wayne as Sean Thornton in “The Quiet Man”

Although I am usually all about items of educational value and wholesome family entertainment on A Parent in Silver Spring, I have a confession:

I like to shop. I am officially materialistic.

However, as I discuss in this personal essay on DC Metro Moms, The Business Plan of Happiness, although my family and I are fortunate and blessed, there isn’t a lot of excess dough to satisfy every little whim and want.

Now, you are welcome to shop til you drop and enjoy Tax Free Week in Washington, DC, but I am satisfying my greed by providing content for two super websites. Rather than buying stuff myself, I can write about them and feel almost the same satisfaction of ownership.

We Covet is a fun, chilled out, non-commercial site where four writers simply write about the stuff that we, well, covet. The brainchild of rock star bloggers Sweetney and Her Bad Mother, it also includes JenB and me as contributing writers. With mad frequency we post our most wanted stuff that’s out there for the buying. Right now we’re hosting a giveaway of a diaper bag so beautiful, you’ll want it as your handbag even if you’re single or your kids are out of diapers.

Wishpot is a new website that allows users to create baby, wedding and other registries across the web. If you are expecting, you can choose your crib from The Land of Nod, your stroller from Baby Center and have all items in one place for family and friends. You can also easily organize your own shopping lists and greed. I am the Preschool Expert on Wishpot and a sometime guest blogger. I wrote about all the swaggy stuff that was up for grabs at BlogHer 08, and I also have put together some lists of recommended products for preschoolers, babies, expectant moms and more.

Now maybe you’re wondering if We Covet and Wishpot are paying me for my writing. The answer is no. And I receive no commission if you buy any of my recommendations. They are my honest to goodness endorsements and droolfests. Writing for these sites DOES keep me from shopping though, and hey, a penny saved is a freaking penny earned.

This missive is cross-posted from DC Metro Moms Blog, where the topic of the day is mommy guilt.

The mommy guilt that I possess stems from the everyday exasperation I feel as a stay-at-home mom to two very spirited, energetic and amazing children, my four- and two-year-old. Surprisingly, it’s not the staying home and abandonment of my professional career that brings the guilt; this set up is working for my family, for my children and the longer I perform this housewife/mommy combo gig, the more comfortable I feel with the decision.

What brings the guilt that causes me to shiver with horror at 2am are the words that come out of my, and sometimes my children’s, mouths throughout the course of a normal day. As Devra Renner and Aviva Pflock, authors of Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most and Raise Happier Kids and Parentopia, wrote in the wonderful interview on DC Metro Moms,

Once parents hit the preschool years and beyond, the number one inducer across the board is YELLING AT OUR CHILDREN. We found this to be very interesting considering the tone of your voice is one of very few things we actually can control. While we may not have control over our work schedule, our children’s health, public transportation, etc. we definitely do have the ability to control our own volume and what we say to others around us

I have often found myself praying that there is not a hidden camera somewhere that will record my annoyed comments, my yells, my falsehoods, my unhealthy reward systems to induce good behavior, the statements that admit my imperfections as a mom. But if there were a hidden camera, here’s what you would hear:

“OK, you can have a Happy Meal. But you have to get the Apple Dippers and be a good boy for the rest of the day, OK?”

“Let’s get into bed and pretend we’re sleeping. Keep your eyes closed.”

“I am sorry we can’t make it tonight, but my kid is sick…I know! I was really looking forward to it.”

“Come on, we’re going to that cool playland just for kids – Bally’s Gym! It’s going to be super fun!”

“Mom, will you get me that new DVD? It’s available for a limited time only!”

“Take that underwear off your head right now and put it on your bum. Got it?”

“We do not say ‘Shut up’ in this house, OK? Those are bad words that hurt people’s feelings.”

“Could you guys just shut up for one minute?”

“We’ll be there very soon.” – in response to my son’s 100th ‘Are we there yet?’ on a long plane ride or car trip.

“Sure, you can open up the crackers, just don’t make a mess in the store, please?”

“First one to put on their shoes gets a lollipop.”

“If you hit your sister again you are going to get a spank.”

“OK, tonight we can eat backwards. Popsicles first, but then you need to eat that good corn.”

“Go, Diego, go!” – my daughter’s first sentence

“OK, just one more book, but make sure it’s a short one.”

“You need to hold my hand when we cross the street. Do you want to get run over?”

“Be careful, that’s mommy’s juice!”

“Let’s have a good day guys. No freak outs, OK?”

“NO THROWING MILK AT EACH OTHER!” – as mommy herself freaks out

I am sure that my mistakes as a parent are painfully evident here. Some of you may judge me, smugly thinking that if I were a little more calm myself, drew some yoga breaths, threw out the (limited) TV, eliminated the (occasional) junk food and committed to telling the truth at all times my children would therefore be much better behaved. Others may think that mommy is pretty ill-behaved herself.

Well, this post was not for you. This confessional post was written to let other parents know that no matter how hard we all try, we screw up. We make mistakes. In parenting little humans we are human ourselves. The intimacy of even the happiest of families and the angelest of babies causes stress to which we as parents are not immune. For every 100 tantrums we defuse, we are going to throw one ourselves. For every 200 home-cooked nutritious meals we prepare with love, there are going to be a couple suckers thrust into a little fist in the name of peace. Just as we do not take our children’s bad behavior personally, I believe our kids give us some leeway too.

In the immortal words of the mother and child in Olivia by Ian Falconer,

“You know, you really wear me out, but I love you anyway.”

“I love you anyway too.”

Parenting in Silver Spring means…

being lulled to sleep by the sound of trucks on the Beltway and Georgia Avenue, and telling yourself they sound like waves crashing on the beach.

you pay more for the babysitter than the tickets to see your favorite band’s show in DC.

making three separate grocery trips when hosting a dinner party in order to buy wine, liquor, and food.

getting to use your native or school-learned Spanish on a daily basis.

your hometown relatives should never be told what you paid for your mid-century 3 bedroom home.

the word “immersion” brings elusive French- and Spanish-language public school classrooms to mind, not swimming lessons.

your children use chopsticks at age 1; at age 2 can differentiate between the meatballs at Pho 75 and Pho 88.

the kids have enjoyed the benefits of free admission to the Smithsonian more than an entire charter bus of traveling 8th graders.

with one visit from Grandma you can escape to a tropical island in three hours flat.

you weep when entering the palatial homes of friends in Missouri and Colorado.

preschool admissions “counselors” show you the lists of colleges whom miniature alumni have gone on to attend, and when you laugh they make pencil marks on your kid’s chart.

your liberal-hippie-vegan-free-trade-only-product-purchasing and conservative-Evangelical-prairie-garb-wearing neighbors are both homeschooling. And you’re considering it too.

you chat up moms at the playground like you used to pick up guys in bars.

your 4 year old tells you he wished you worked so he could have a cute tube-top-wearing Austrian au pair like his friend Steve; child is immediately sent to Time Out.

you wake from a vivid dream of your old pre-SAHM job and can’t figure out if it was a nightmare or a fantasy.

you know exactly what times to avoid rush hour at your local park in order for your baby to get a chance at the bucket swings.

when parents talk about “summer camps” they don’t mean sleep-away mountain destinations, but $500 per week daycamps that end at lunchtime.

you have to decide between 1 week at the Outer Banks or pool membership for the entire summer when figuring out the summer extras budget.

your family is more excited about the big mulch delivery and mulching the flower beds than Easter Egg hunts or Purim festivals (ok that PC-interfaith-attempt so did not work, but dude, I tried. Shalom!)

the stay-at-home dads are the 30-and-40-something equivalent of the cutest boys in your predominantly-female English major seminar. Just like in college, you’re too chicken to talk to them and they’re all taken.

when planning playdate snacks, you don’t just ask the other mom about peanut allergies, but clear any servings of dairy, processed sugar, gluten, soy or non-organic foods…and imbibe shots of tequila before they arrive.

family bonding means watching American Idol together in front of the flat screen with bowls of ice cream, like every other cheeser family in America…just in the SS you don’t admit to it.

The domes of cheese and bread cubes at Whole Foods started it.

The Costco vendors of mini bagel dogs and one-gulp fruit smoothies reinforced it.

Chef Charley at the Trader Joe’s took it to a whole new level, what with his cups of cat-shaped cookies, apple cider and other yummies.

My children cannot get through a grocery run without eating their way through the store.

I let them. One whine and I am a goner. Anything to get through the hunting and gathering for the family with a minimum of meltdowns from my four- and almost two-year-old children.

I can feel my Southern belle grandma tsk-tsking me from heaven. She a would think my popping open of the bags of Terra chips and tiny boxes of raisins so unrefined. She would shudder as I yanked a juicebox from the rest of its family of 12, stabbed the straw in the hole and placed it in eager little hands.

At our regular stores, the cashiers know us well, and with smirks ring up the boxes and bags that have already been opened. They patiently weigh and ring up that single banana twice when I explain that one about that size was already devoured by the monkeys. The nice ones will even offer to toss away the sticky peel. Sometimes we have not even left the building before the staff are pulling out the broom to pick up the granola bar droppings we leave in our wake.

I guess this is totally uncouth, unsanitary (thank goodness for Purell) and maybe against the rules, but allowing the kids to eat in the store has cut the temper tantrums dramatically. It saves me money in that I am not tempted to buy them a little toy every visit – their hands are already busy noshing. We hit the produce and healthy food aisles first, so their little bellies are too full to whine for the verboten candies in the check out line. The rule is they can only snack on the items that mama has on the list – no neon blue suckers, no double-stuffed sandwich cookies. Now the kids look forward to the grocery store, an errand that used to provoke demonic seizures from the backseat. The three of us have a great time chatting about the foods, colors, uses for products and my oldest practices sounding out the words on the big labels…in between big bites.

I don’t know why I seem to be the only parent doing this. The looks and head shakes from other moms as my kids scarf in the cart is the least of my worries, but really, what’s the big deal? At least I won’t be the one slaving over a sit-down family lunch once we get home.

Watch for my upcoming post, Bad Mommy: Drinking our way through the liquor store!