I have a confession to make: I love The View.

It all started back when I dressed as Barbara Walters for fourth grade Career Day in 1984, borrowing my mom’s big working-woman bow-tie blouse and begging my grandma to style my stick-straight hair in hot rollers for that on-air coif.  Then I started watching The View in 1997 as a college senior, the very first season when Debbie Matenopoulos was the twenty-something voice of America.  No thanks to working office jobs to pay the rent, I had to take frequent View hiatuses from 1997-2004, checking in only via Talk Soup and those rare sick days when Barb and the girls comforted me as I moaned from the coach.

But one of the perks from dropping out of corporate America to raise my kids (Elisabeth would be so proud) is that I have been able to be a semi-regular View-er since Charlie was born.   And when we sprung for DVR in 2005, whoa-ho-ho, I got to jump on the regular-viewing View bus (just like Whoopi!) again, and girlfriend, I’ve never gotten off.

Are you a big fan of The View too?  Then you’ve got to enter The View sweepstakes for moms. One lucky winner will be randomly selected to receive a trip to NYC (without the kids!) to watch a live taping of The View, squee! The sweepstakes is open until February 28th. Enter here!

And guess who’s coming on the show tomorrow people?

THE CAST OF THE JERSEY SHORE!

(Go ahead, run to your DVR remotes.  I’ll still be here.)

Oh yes, tomorrow, 2/23, the controversial cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore will be joining the Women of The View LIVE.  No MTV editing. (I’m sure the 5 second delay will be in full effect.)  Can you IMAGINE the guys fist-pump dancing with Sherri? Freaking on Joy?  The girls styling Barbara with a Snooki-style Bumpit?

You know who else is going to be on The View this week? OCTO-MOM, Danielle Steele, local Montgomery County, Maryland-girl Guiliana of E! and husband reality TV dude from Donald Trump’s show, and then for a Friday grand finale, Regis and wife Joy are going to perform a song from their new album.

Seriously.  You don’t have to wait for the next episode of SNL for great comedy on TV.

My darlings, I’m a VIEW AMBASSADOR and on A Parent in Silver Spring Reviews I’ll be giving you the weekly scoop on the girls and their hot topics.  Stay tuned!

Disclaimer: I am a participant in a Mom Central  campaign for ABC Daytime and will receive a tote bag or other The View branded items to facilitate my review.  But that’s not why I’ll be posting my reviews…it’s because Whoopi, Joy, Elisabeth, Sherri, and Barbara crack me up.

We are going cuckoo at our house.  Are you feeling similarly insane?

We’re trying to dance off our cabin fever.

Here are some videos for your viewing pleasure, featuring the dancey talents of Eve and Charlie.

Check out their Snow Lake Ballet.

And

The Boom Boom Robot (with Lil Sister Shakeyerbooty)

If you have any similar fun videos of your kids, leave a link in the comments!

Sorry I was not able to do a “What Is Open on Monday” post today, the day you probably most need it with cabin fever insanity reaching record levels and with the kids all out of school.  To those of you that e-mailed or Tweeted me wondering where my 4-1-1 post was, I apologize that I was not able to personally get back to you with tailored activity ideas like I normally try to do.

You see, my road has not been plowed, and we are three city blocks of waist-deep snow from any major roads.  We’ve tried carrying the kids on our backs down to the highway, but they start hysterically crying and fighting with each other every time we try.

My husband (the one whose job pays the mortgage) was feverishly working from home today while I fiendishly tried to occupy the kids and keep any blood-curdling screams from reaching his conference calls to his team all morning. I also had to clean a disgustingly dirty house that four people and two animals have not been able to leave for 72 hours before our neighbors arrive tonight for a Snowmageddon drinks, dessert and more drinks party.

So those of you that wanted to know what was open, that means that your road has been plowed. It means you are able to leave and go somewhere.  Anywhere.

So while I am sincerely sorry I could not help you, I also ENVY YOU.

However, I obviously have power and Internet and thus I am well-aware that I am totally enviable and blessed myself.  My friend Jodifur in Potomac?  She texted today that she expects to be out of power until FRIDAY.  Other friends in Rockville just returned home from the Bethesda Marriott where they took refuge with their four kids for a few days and found  $300 worth of groceries rotten in their fridge.

These are hard times people. (Yummm, Hard Times, how I miss you.)

I’d suggest we all virtually hold hands and sing  Kumbaya around virtual fires, but at our house we ran out of firewood over here on Saturday.

But you know what we still have over here?  Heineken, La Crema, 10 pounds of frozen edamame and a huge box of World’s Finest chocolate bars that my kid is supposed to sell for a school fundraiser.  Things could be worse.

Yes my friends, I’ll be here all the week.  Try the veal.

Are you reading this on your phone because you’re out of power or connection due to the snow storm?  Let me help you.  I wish I could provide you with a beer, some hot Thai takeout, a deep tissue shoulder massage after you shoveled out your front walk, but since I’m snowed in too, these are  the best virtual pressies I can provide.

Hypothermia Hotline – If you see a homeless person, calll 1 (800) 535-7252 IMMEDIATELY

PepCo – Report an Outage 1 (877) PEPCO-62, Report Downed Wires (202) 872-3432

PepCo Stormcenter – Shows areas out of power

BGE -  1-877-778-2222

Dominion - 1-888-667-3000
Allegheny Power – 1-800-255-3443

Montgomery County Plowing of Roads - Highway Services at 240-777-6000, FAQs

“Plowing and salting major county roads. All crews will continue this process until all precipitation stops and all major county roads and primary neighborhood streets are cleared. After a 24-inch snowfall [stops falling], our crews should complete the work in about 48 to 60 hours.”

Metro Service – No above ground service or Metrobus running, below-ground service active until 11pm, modified service schedule here . Glenmont to Forest Glen service running in Silver Spring. Yellow Line – Pentagon to Crystal City, Red Line – Medical Center to Union Station and Glenmont to Forest Glen, Orange Line – Ballston to Stadium-Armory, Green Line – Fort Totten to Congress Heights, Blue Line – Ballston to Stadium-Armory.

Report Downed Trees

In The District – call 311 for downed trees, Montgomery – 240-777-6000, Prince George’s – 301-499-8600, Fairfax – 703-383-8368.

Locate a Towed Car in The District – You may have been blocking the plow.  Call (202) 727-5000.

Washington Gas – Customer Service for interuptions in service  (703) 750-1000

“To avoid the possibility of an interruption in gas service, Washington Gas would like to remind its customers to clear any accumulated snow from their natural gas meters and regulator vents as well as any appliance exhausts using hands, a brush or broom.”

Comcast – 1-800-COMCAST (1-800-266-2278), Live Chat with Customer Service

Verizon -1-800-VERIZON (1-800-837-4966), Live Chat with Customer Service

Cox -703-378-8422, Live Chat with Customer Service

Reminder: It’s every resident’s responsibility to shovel out his/her entrance to his/her residence, sidewalk and driveway.

Snow Ice Cream recipes

Scrabble domination strategy tip, for those of you in family board game land: save your “S” tiles to simply make plural your adult opponent’s best high-scoring words.  Do it even if you could score higher using your own tiles.  It ticks them off so much it messes with their strategy and mires them in self-doubt.  Also, hoard your A, E, I, N, R tiles for maximum chances at using all seven of your tiles for the 50 point bingo bonus. (These tips are from an anonymous devoted but devious wife and The Imperial Valley Student Scrabble Tournament Champion, 1988 and 1989.)

Trivial Pursuit best guesses: Your first instinct is usually right, don’t overthink it. Say only last names, because if you only have the last name you’re right, but if you verbalize an incorrect first name, you’re out.  Stumped?  Always guess, never pass.  When in doubt, guess Muhammad Ali for all-around sports stuff, Ted Williams for baseball, China for country questions involving technology or population, Japan for country questions about weird practices, Stephen Sondheim for Broadway/musicals/songs, Katherine Hepburn for Best Actress.

How To Win at Monopoly: Buy all railroads, skip the utilities, never sell a much-needed property to your opponent no matter how sweet the deal, get hotels on the purples by Go and the oranges by Free Parking.

Good night and good luck!

And when I say all, I mean ALL. Every last one of those messages that you figured out from the subject you didn’t need to open.

Like those hundreds and thousands of breaking news alerts from The New York Times and The Washington Post that you’re meaning to get to but won’t, the Tory Burch sale alerts from Gilt that you don’t end up opening because you can’t afford the stuff anyways, especially those pesky email feed posts from A Parent in Silver Spring.

Maybe I’m a dummy and you guys with Gmail had already figured this out, but I found the instant deletion of 3894 unread emails so liberating after two years of deleting them in sets of 20. It felt so good to not have a huge number taunting me with my slacktitude that I decided to post here and risk looking extremely stupid. If I can help just one of you guys in an instantaneous declutter of your Inbox, my public humiliation shall not be in vain. (I guess that was a very petty ripping off of Dickinson. I clearly want to look as lame as possible.)

ANYWAYS, here’s how you do it:

In the Gmail search box on top of your messages, type is:unread . Then go to Select and click All. After you do this the first 20 unread messages will be highlighted. Then click the Delete button.

Then a magical link of blue text will appear directly over your messages that says Select all conversations that match this search. Click it.

A window will come up asking you if you’re sure. If you want to get rid of every piece of spam that made it to your Inbox or other item you never opened and now is obsolete, you’re sure.

Now, all that remains are items that you *did* open and now need to keep forever. You know, like stuff you need to keep to access later, stuff in your Sent folder you can passive aggressively forward to prove that you already met your deadline or those priceless drunk emails from friends that must be saved for blackmail.

But from the unopened, you are free. You’re welcome.

Love,
Your Friendly Luddite Momblogger